Looking back, thoughts, and baby crying!
First blog post and honestly this is just a stream of consciousness.
I am sitting here at the end of 2014 with an overflowing heart. I have twins. TWINS! A boy and a girl! WOW! God is good. Too big for words.
Miracles. Really. Miracles.
I still to this day cannot believe it. And at least a few times a month get down on my knees and pray a prayer of thankfulness between those two cribs.
It's December 3, 2014 ---- wait. It's 12:01 so it's December 4, 2014.
Exactly one year ago on December 3, 2013 I found out that I was pregnant. Pregnant! Honestly a word I thought I would never have associated with myself and my body. Six years of infertility - I accepted the fact that it may never happen. I mourned it. I mourned not being pregnant for a very long time. And you know what, I was ok with that. It took about 5 years for me to be ok with that. But God is good and God is faithful. And with friends, blessings, and just a journey I found myself being ok with not being pregnant.
IVF was something I never thought I would have to face. But after months turned into years and test came out showing that my body would not produce a good egg...well -- looked like chances were slim of ever becoming preggy.
(yes, I like slang.)
remember, stream of consciousness.
There as also the husband factor that contributed to the infertility. So it was both of us. That's all I'll leave it to regarding him.
So I will continually talk about my infertility throughout my blog --- my words, here and there. It has been a part of me.
Through our (hubb's and mine's) first IVF cycle, we came out with:
two and a half eggs.
So really, two eggs.
Day of retrieval.
Put those two in the petri dish with hubb's guys and we came out with:
two embryos (i.e. "embies").
Day after the retrieval.
Then on Day three (or three days after the date of the retrieval and fertilization): we hard the news.
Those two embryos were rated:
8A (highest cell count 8), on an (A, B, C rating A being the highest)
8A-.
Because we only had two eggs, (or in my case two follicles) to work with, Hubbs and I decided to change our decision of only transferring one emby to two embies. Basically all the embies we had. Basically putting all our eggs in one basket. Literally.
(Me being the basket.)
So on that Friday, November 23, 2013 we transferred our two precious embies into my uterus (yes I said it; remember -- stream of consciousness!). Then we waited.
And waited.
Thanksgiving came and went.
First Thanksgiving where I did absolutely nothing except watch Food Network about Thanksgiving and for a brief moment, thought about joining the fam for Thanksgiving.
Because the intermediate fam knew I was going through IVF and we were in the waiting period I didn't want to be around where I may be looked at as an incubator. I knew they wouldn't ask or stare at me, but I was just self conscious about what they would be thinking. I just plain needed to be alone last holiday.
At one point Brian and I pretty much had the conversation and said to each other it didn't work.
I felt tired. A bit weird. but I was taking progesterone so it could have been that.
I decided to leave the afternoon open of December 3, the day of my beta (fancy word for pregnancy blood test). That way I can take the news at home.
December 3 rolled around. I promptly showed up to the lab at around 7:30am and took the test. Went to work and about my day.
Meetings.
Came back to desk around 9am and sure enough there was a missed call and voicemail. I just missed her!
Ahh!
That's what happens when you try to be polite to society and leave your phone at your desk. Polite meaning old fashioned giving your full attention to everyone at the meeting.
Anyhow she didn't leave details but I called her, her meaning my nurse coordinator of my IVF.
Then she immediately uttered the words I was ***not*** expecting to hear:
"Congratulations! You're pregnant!"
What?
Wait, it's not even noon yet. I wasn't supposed receive this news yet, but she was so happy and excited for me that she gave me a call immediately!
Wow. WOW! Wow! Really?
Did I cry? No. I was shocked.
I'm telling you to this day I am still shocked!
I was standing outside of the building (because we don't have any privacy - open floor plan, no cubes, no walls...and no conference rooms or phone booths (end rant)), and was staring at my reflection in the window (from a distance or else that would be weird). I was wearing a bright pink shirt and black pants. I could not believe it.
All those weird and tired exhausted feelings was because I was preggs. Me. Preggs. Never thought that would happen to me. To Hubbs and me. To us.
I was ready for the adoption plan.
And now... a break.
(I never write in a journal so this is progress!)
Ok more on the story later.
But as I sit here listening to Pandora's Christmas station I look back at the past 15 months and think wow. WOW. (I'll find more words later. ) I am sitting downstairs with lights on the tree, 4 month old twins upstairs (one which was crying when I started this), two Christmas boxes of decorations still waiting to be unpacked (we used to live in a condo and then purged stuff) and a set of a dozen bottles in the fridge ready to feed for the next day. What a year. What a past 15 months.
I am so full of amazement, of God's miracles. I once heard Andy Stanley's lesson on seeing and hearing. People seen and heard the word of God, the message of Jesus, the miracles that happen. And because they seen and heard what happened they had to spread the good news.
I am telling you this: I have seen and I have heard. Those two babies sleeping upstairs are proof of God's miracles. First round of IVF, two eggs, two embies, and both attached... And they ended up being one boy and one girl. Baby A and Baby B is what I am calling them here. These stats just don't happen. With IVF there is a 30% chance of getting pregnant among all the stats working mostly against you. That doesn't even guarantee coming home from the hospital with a live baby. Just pregnancy. Six years of infertility. First round of IVF the end of the fifth year and it worked.
I am convinced it wouldn't happen earlier even if we tried IVF. I am convinced God had a plan and the plan was these two miracles. I didn't wish for something at the end of the rainbow. And I'd like to tell you that it was all my faith. No, it was God's faithfulness to us.
I have seen and I have heard. The stats were against me. This is NOT a coincidence. This is the truth: I have two miracles sleeping upstairs and this is because of God.
two and a half eggs.
So really, two eggs.
Day of retrieval.
Put those two in the petri dish with hubb's guys and we came out with:
two embryos (i.e. "embies").
Day after the retrieval.
Then on Day three (or three days after the date of the retrieval and fertilization): we hard the news.
Those two embryos were rated:
8A (highest cell count 8), on an (A, B, C rating A being the highest)
8A-.
Because we only had two eggs, (or in my case two follicles) to work with, Hubbs and I decided to change our decision of only transferring one emby to two embies. Basically all the embies we had. Basically putting all our eggs in one basket. Literally.
(Me being the basket.)
So on that Friday, November 23, 2013 we transferred our two precious embies into my uterus (yes I said it; remember -- stream of consciousness!). Then we waited.
And waited.
Thanksgiving came and went.
First Thanksgiving where I did absolutely nothing except watch Food Network about Thanksgiving and for a brief moment, thought about joining the fam for Thanksgiving.
Because the intermediate fam knew I was going through IVF and we were in the waiting period I didn't want to be around where I may be looked at as an incubator. I knew they wouldn't ask or stare at me, but I was just self conscious about what they would be thinking. I just plain needed to be alone last holiday.
At one point Brian and I pretty much had the conversation and said to each other it didn't work.
I felt tired. A bit weird. but I was taking progesterone so it could have been that.
I decided to leave the afternoon open of December 3, the day of my beta (fancy word for pregnancy blood test). That way I can take the news at home.
December 3 rolled around. I promptly showed up to the lab at around 7:30am and took the test. Went to work and about my day.
Meetings.
Came back to desk around 9am and sure enough there was a missed call and voicemail. I just missed her!
Ahh!
That's what happens when you try to be polite to society and leave your phone at your desk. Polite meaning old fashioned giving your full attention to everyone at the meeting.
Anyhow she didn't leave details but I called her, her meaning my nurse coordinator of my IVF.
Then she immediately uttered the words I was ***not*** expecting to hear:
"Congratulations! You're pregnant!"
What?
Wait, it's not even noon yet. I wasn't supposed receive this news yet, but she was so happy and excited for me that she gave me a call immediately!
Wow. WOW! Wow! Really?
Did I cry? No. I was shocked.
I'm telling you to this day I am still shocked!
I was standing outside of the building (because we don't have any privacy - open floor plan, no cubes, no walls...and no conference rooms or phone booths (end rant)), and was staring at my reflection in the window (from a distance or else that would be weird). I was wearing a bright pink shirt and black pants. I could not believe it.
All those weird and tired exhausted feelings was because I was preggs. Me. Preggs. Never thought that would happen to me. To Hubbs and me. To us.
I was ready for the adoption plan.
And now... a break.
(I never write in a journal so this is progress!)
Ok more on the story later.
But as I sit here listening to Pandora's Christmas station I look back at the past 15 months and think wow. WOW. (I'll find more words later. ) I am sitting downstairs with lights on the tree, 4 month old twins upstairs (one which was crying when I started this), two Christmas boxes of decorations still waiting to be unpacked (we used to live in a condo and then purged stuff) and a set of a dozen bottles in the fridge ready to feed for the next day. What a year. What a past 15 months.
I am so full of amazement, of God's miracles. I once heard Andy Stanley's lesson on seeing and hearing. People seen and heard the word of God, the message of Jesus, the miracles that happen. And because they seen and heard what happened they had to spread the good news.
I am telling you this: I have seen and I have heard. Those two babies sleeping upstairs are proof of God's miracles. First round of IVF, two eggs, two embies, and both attached... And they ended up being one boy and one girl. Baby A and Baby B is what I am calling them here. These stats just don't happen. With IVF there is a 30% chance of getting pregnant among all the stats working mostly against you. That doesn't even guarantee coming home from the hospital with a live baby. Just pregnancy. Six years of infertility. First round of IVF the end of the fifth year and it worked.
I am convinced it wouldn't happen earlier even if we tried IVF. I am convinced God had a plan and the plan was these two miracles. I didn't wish for something at the end of the rainbow. And I'd like to tell you that it was all my faith. No, it was God's faithfulness to us.
I have seen and I have heard. The stats were against me. This is NOT a coincidence. This is the truth: I have two miracles sleeping upstairs and this is because of God.
posted by L. Dianne @ 12:33 AM
1 Comments
